One Night Stands
by catgirlutah
Summary: A collection of short stories...told by women that the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow found entertaining for a night. Nothing too dirty in here, mind you. Please read an' review!
1. Number One

Disclaimer: I don't have permission to use Jack. Nope. Even though he probably won't ever speak in these stories...I can't use him.

AN (3/29): I got this idea on the way to the theater last night to see the Ring Two. Good movie, if you like predictable plots and cheap shots to make you scream. Anyway...these are going to be rather short chapters. Just one shots...of a whole bunch of different women. I dunno how many there will be. Depends on how people react, I guess. That means...if you want me to have a whole bunch of different women's views on Jack, review.

**One Night Stands: Number One**

I suppose you could say that I'm victim number one. Or something. I'm not exactly sure. I don't really think of myself as a victim, after all. It wasn't my fault he left. Well, it probably was...but I knew his reputation before I allowed him to carry me to the bedroom in a fit of passion. I knew what I was getting into. It wasn't as though I was some innocent maiden and he was the man who spoiled me...no. I knew exactly what was on his mind as he looked at me, that wonderful night. And I was flattered. Oh, yes, I was very flattered. So, I allowed myself to let him kiss me.

Even though I'd promised myself never to let anyone kiss me again. But his smirk...his eyes. Wow. Those kohl-rimmed dark eyes were just intoxicating to stare at. Especially when I saw faint glimmers of what I thought was adoration in them. It probably wasn't adoration. A man like Captain Jack Sparrow...well, you really can't tell what that fellow is thinking. Ever. I almost pity the woman who finds out how to read him. He's probably rather boring on the inside.

Or, so I'd like to convince myself. Undoubtedly he's as interesting and mysterious on the inside as he is on the outside. I mean, I asked him several questions about his rather illustrious past...and he'd merely kissed me and talked about something else afterwards.

You see, when a man like Captain Jack Sparrow kisses you...well, you can't think straight. For the rest of the night. Because you wonder what those kisses would be like in a bedroom situation. Or if he'd just kiss you a little longer. Or if you pouted slightly, would he try and kiss it away? I was eager to find out. Eager to be kissed again and again.

He was very good at changing the subject during our romantic dinner in a tavern in Portobello. I'd run into him earlier at a store. A dress shop, actually. It had been a very weird meeting, and he'd claimed he was picking out a dress for someone on his ship. Which had led to me asking him what his name was and finding out who he was...yeah. Well, after I'd finished getting my new dress altered, he'd invited me to dinner at this tavern. An expensive tavern, yes, but I really think he could sense my boredom.

My husband...well, there really was no point in me getting new clothes. He was never home to appreciate the way I filled them out. Nope. He was always off drinking with his buddies on their estates as they wasted their day away. Being a noblewoman wasn't very fun at all. And I'd thought it would be dreadfully exciting to go out to dinner with the dashing young pirate. So, I'd accepted. And I'd gone home and dressed up in one of my fanciest (and consequently most revealing) outfits. And then I'd paced around for an hour. And applied a little rouge before going out and meeting him in the tavern.

He'd greeted me warmly, like an old friend...and then escorted me to a table. It was amazing, how much of a gentleman he could be. I never would've thought that a pirate could be so charming. And sophisticated. He'd caught onto a lot of my odd little jokes about being so wealthy. Maybe he'd come from a background similar to mine...well, whatever it was, we hit it off rather well. I mean, I knew his reputation with women, but I felt so special, sitting across from him at that table in the candlelight as we shared an excellently cooked meal. He'd complained about not being able to cook at all...which I could totally relate to. I hadn't had to cook since the time Priscilla ran off with the livery boy and we were short a cook for a night. That had been absolutely horrible. Thankfully there hadn't been any sort of scandal like that for a while. Of course, if my husband knew that I was sitting across from the most infamous pirate in the Caribbean...well, he probably would've been quite angry.

But he wouldn't know. So, I enjoyed myself, that evening. Especially when he leaned over to kiss me. And then...after dinner, he picked me up and carried me upstairs...

I'll never forget those moments of pure bliss...

That all came crashing to a halt when I woke up and he wasn't beside me.


	2. Number Two

Disclaimer: Still can't use Jack.

AN (3/30): I feel like I have a little explaining to do. Here it is: these are one shots. Not meant to be anything but the thoughts of the various women...you'll see how different people view Captain Jack Sparrow. I started out on an easy one that most people would relate to...I'm trying to create as many different females as possible, actually.

**One Night Stands: Number Two**

I hate Captain Jack Sparrow. That man...there has never been a more pompous man on the face of the earth, you know? He certainly didn't impress me, when I ran into him at a jewelry shop in Nassau. Sure, he had those handsome dark eyes and that perfect nose...but his personality was coarse and his manner...well, very crude. Especially annoying and demeaning were his comments about me. I was a nun, after all. I'd devoted myself to helping the poor and getting people to stop their sinning ways... And he had the gall to say that he thought I'd look better without my habit on. The nerve of that man...

In front of the Mother Superior, as well. Mother Mary had been livid...mostly at me. Because I'd cracked a smile. I was supposed to be the figurative bride of Christ and I'd cracked a smile at a few of his lewd jokes. I knew I would be locked in my room for a week for that. And it wasn't my fault! That stupid pompous pirate...and his almost irresistible good looks and charisma. I'd only been smiling at him...not at the joke. Regardless, Mother Mary had quickly sold the jewelry left to us by a repentant heiress and had forced the rest of the nuns out of the store. I'd been trailing behind, dreading the tongue lashing I knew I'd receive...

When suddenly, the shop was surrounded by redcoats. Captain Jack Sparrow had been discovered. Which was good...the man would get what he deserved. Unfortunately, he didn't see things the same way I did. And he grabbed me. Used me as a human shield.

I'll never forget the looks in the eyes of that blonde soldier (who'd been the commander, based on his appearance) as he debated with himself as to whether he should just shoot through me to kill that most infamous man because I was guaranteed a place in heaven or whether he should try to save me. Thankfully, his bright eyes decided it would be best to save me. Not that I wouldn't have loved to go and meet my God...but...I wanted to live and help His children on this earth. Dying wasn't in my schedule. Or, so I hoped. I'm sure I heaved an almost audible sigh of relief when I realized the man wasn't going to shoot me...

And that rapscallion, Jack Sparrow...he heard it. And he knew that he could get out of the store. It had no windows in the back and only one door, after all. It would've been impossible for him to conjure up one of his miraculous escapes if I hadn't been there. I didn't like being used as leverage...and I let him know by biting him as he easily picked me up and started walking towards the door, staring at the redcoats much like a man with a stick of fire stares at circling hyenas...with fake bravery. The man really was terrified for his life...even though he gave no visible signs of it, I could tell his hand was trembling slightly as he pushed open the door. That's when I bit the trembling hand.

He'd cursed up a storm and had nearly set me down...until the redcoats within started swarming out like a bunch of very angry honey bees defending their nest. Glaring at me in a manner that almost made me feel as though he'd undressed me and hated me all at the same time, he picked me up again and made a mad dash to the forest. I'm sure it looked rather funny to the innocent bystanders...but I was getting a bit sick with all the rocking and swaying. Couldn't he stay sober for an hour? Honestly, I'd never seen someone swagger as much as him, unless they were toddlers first learning how to walk.

I must admit he had an odd sort of grace, as he gently sat me down on a rock in the forests near Nassau. He could almost fall down...and catch himself. Had a fluid sort of motion about him. It was hard to describe. And I wasn't paying attention to him. No...I was thinking of ways to escape. What nun in their right mind would want to be kidnaped by a man who probably had more children than some king of Siam? If they were a good nun, that is. Some of the nuns weren't very good at abstaining from relations with men...of course, those were hushed up.

He stared right back at me for the longest time, no doubt picturing me without my habit on again. Or...maybe he was trying to gauge my personality. I don't know. Nor do I care to know...but it made me feel extremely self conscious. So I asked him why he was staring at me...

He replied with some nonsense about the fact that my eyes were the exact same color as the sea on a blissful day and that my hair was like gold. Drivel. Obviously he had only one goal in mind. I wasn't entirely sure what it was, since I'd been raised in a good Catholic family and had joined the convent after my fiancé died in that pirate attack (he'd been attacked by the _Black Pearl_, coincidentally) all those years ago...I didn't know why I was supposed to fear men like Jack Sparrow.

He seemed to realize that. And stopped trying to seduce me, after I slapped him across the face and demanded that he take me back home. Of course...he'd said he'd love to. But he couldn't, since it wasn't safe. For him. Perfectly safe for me...but I believed him. I swear there was something about those dark eyes...they were binding me with some sort of enchantment that was letting my passions take over.

He found some rodents in the forest, made a fire, and actually cooked me a meal. It was surprisingly good...and Jack told me he'd always been rather gifted at cooking. It was very believable...how he made the food taste that good I'd never know. Not that I cared. It was good food and I was very hungry and I'd been taught never to waste food.

Once we'd finished our meager meal, he talked with me about all my dreams and aspirations in life. He actually pried out why I'd joined the convent...and had apologized for the actions of his first mate. Apparently my hate in Jack had been...well, a bit unfounded. I asked for his forgiveness...which he readily gave me.

And I found myself drowning in those dark eyes of his. In fact, I must've given him quite the wrong impression..because soon he was kissing me. With a sort of passion I'd never experienced, or even seen between a man and a woman. The kiss was so nice, in fact, I didn't even mind as he started stripping my habit off. How could I mind? I'd been enchanted by that dastardly man. My vows of celibacy were forgotten that night. That unforgettable night I realized that virginity...well, its nice. But when the right man comes along...

Jack would undoubtedly stay with me forever, right? After our little activity ended, I fell asleep in his arms. It was so comforting, being in his arms. I was able to forget about my fears of the jungle, actually. It didn't matter that we were sleeping on my ripped up habit, just to keep from getting too dirty...I was content. With a man who understood me.

And who apparently didn't really love me. I awoke the next morning, shivering something awful. He was gone. That miserable wretch was gone! He'd left me...he'd left me all alone for no bloody reason.

I cursed for the first time in my life. I cursed badly, yes, but I still cursed. And cried. I thought it had been something special, after all... Yet...he'd left me. All alone, naked...what would Mother Mary say?

After I managed to collect myself, I put my ripped habit on as best as I could and staggered my way back to Nassau. I'd tell them all I'd been raped. Yes. That would work.

I _hate_ Captain Jack Sparrow.

**

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sunkist3208**: Betcha don't picture yourself as this one. At least, I hope not. But she's not the worst one...no, she's coming...  
Yes, he lied to the last woman. He's going to lie to all of 'em, I think, because that's how he gets them to play with him, or what have you.  
Thanks for the hat!  
**Novthoniel**: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter.  
**CrazyPirateGirl:** I like the short chapters too. They're easy to do quickly...I still have time to do my calculus, actually...  
Thank you so much for the encouraging review! I'm glad you like the idea...  
I don't think she's really a victim either...none of these women will be raped by Jack. Perhaps conquest is a better term...  
**SpAnIsH-EyEs2**: It is kinda like Don Juan De Marco, now that you mention it. Good movie, that was. Of course, it made me mum rather uncomfortable...  
Thanks for the encouragement!  
**Mimi-chan: **Thanks for the constructive critique! Not many people do that any more...  
It did have a bad ending, didn't it? Of course, I couldn't think of any other way to end it...hence the bad ending. Sometimes I like cutting things off abruptly...maybe her husband came home, while she was telling her closest friend or whatever...dunno.  
I'll try to remember more physical detail...of course, if you want to see my much more serious work with physical detail, feel free to click on my screen name.  
The Ring Two was very predictable...yet, my little brother still got frightened by it. An' he's fifteen...weirdness.  
Thanks again for the constructive criticism!  
**Missy Mouse**: Ooh! I love Chicago. And that song. Maybe that's partly where this idea came from...  
Anyway, thanks for the review! I felt a little sorry for the first one, too...but she was a cheating little aristocrat, after all...  
**Jack**: I'm starting out a bit more serious than some of the women will be. Trust me, some of these women will have you chuckling...at least, the ones I've imagined will. Maybe I won't get their personalities on paper...yet to be determined.  
Thanks for the support!  
**Ang.**: I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. -nods- I probably won't be able to update as often...Tis the start of fourth term, after all, and the AP tests are coming up in May...  
Anyway, I hope this was fast enough for ya! I appreciate the review!  
**Raisin**: I had a feeling you'd like this idea...I'm tickled pink by it, actually. Because he's going to spend time with a whole different variety of women...  
I wish I knew what it is really like, being kissed by Jack Sparrow. Maybe someday I'll find out...I'm working on a time machine, after all, that goes to the fictional past. Or maybe I just need to find a graveyard...hmmm...  
She was a slightly underdeveloped character, actually. Slightly. Which is why she had so little to say...the nun was much more fun. Of course, I totally rushed the whole night thing...but no matter. I'm going to put it up anyway so I can get back to doing my calculus. Evil muse told me to.  
As always, thanks for the review and the support! Since you were the first to review...well, you get a nifty joystick! 


	3. Number Three

Disclaimer: I do have permission...oh, wait, no. I don't have permission to be using Jack Sparrow. Or his likeness. Or his name.

AN (4/2): I really should be doing my calculus right now...but I'm not.

**One Night Stands: Number Three**

It was a very rainy day, the day I met Captain Jack Sparrow. I'll never forget it. I was busy trying to find shelter behind the town book shop (a horrid place I would never dream of entering) when that god among pirates burst through the back door, hurriedly stuffing some sort of book full of curses or something into a small sack he was carrying. He nearly tripped over me, actually, as a great commotion developed inside of the store. Obviously the infamous pirate hadn't payed for the book he'd pilfered.

Who could blame him? He was a pirate, after all, and pirates are supposed to steal for the stupid and fortunate people in this world that believe in ethics and moral behavior and the like. As he nearly tripped over me, he glanced down at me with a look of shock in his eyes. Surely he was thinking something along the lines of 'what could a beautiful woman like that be doing in the alleyway, hiding under the overhang of the roof?' right? I mean, it wasn't like I was as homely as the term homeless seems to mean. And I wasn't as stupid as common street riffraff. I had lived behind a boy's school for most of my life, until that bloody janitor had found me when he'd been finally doing some gardening work. Since I'd lived next to a school, I'd given myself a free education.

It hadn't help me find a job. Women had no hope of being anything other than prostitutes, governesses, or married in society. And, unfortunately, I couldn't bring myself to selling my body as long as I could scrounge up food and I wasn't from a good family so I couldn't be a governess. Or even an old person's companion. I had no hope of marriage...so, therefore, I was permanently a transient wanderer. There was no point in living in any specific place. Though, I was only behind the bookstore because I'd smelled a bakery down at the end of the street. Sometimes they would throw out bread. Or I could flirt with the baker and he'd give me bread. That didn't always work, though...generally men tried to take something from me I didn't want to give.

I wasn't about to tell Captain Jack Sparrow no, though. If he wanted me...well, I'd be more than happy to oblige him. I had a feeling he wouldn't care if I was all dirty and had ratty hair and looked absolutely hungry.

I was right. Once he'd managed to keep from falling over me, he'd asked me if I'd be willing to do him great favor. Of course I'd accepted! Half of the boys in the school I used to live behind had idol worshiped the sea he sailed on because of him. Everyone wanted to be like Captain Jack Sparrow. Women wanted the freedom he had...and the men wanted the adventure he had. Of course I'd agreed. He'd helped me to my feet and then had put the bag he'd been carrying underneath my dress. Obviously he was trying to convince them all that I was with child.

Which I found absolutely hilarious. Since it was raining, I looked fairly clean. And it would be mostly believable that I was a woman of mostly good breeding going into labor. So, he escorted me out of the alleyway. Women in the street looked at me anxiously and then back at Jack, as though urging him on as the book owner stepped out onto the sidewalk, trying to find a lone man carrying a sack that would be his book. He just got dripping wet...and gave up.

Jack escorted me to the edge of town, towards a midwife. Once we were nearly there, he had me hide in an alleyway next to a building and then had me take the bag out and hand it back to him. He thanked me...and looked like he was going to turn away and leave. So...I took the prerogative to kiss him. When would I ever get a chance to spend a night with him again, anyway? There were very few things I could look forward to in my bleak existence, and I was determined to have at least one memory I could look on fondly for the rest of my life until some horrible disease claimed me, or something.

The kiss really had surprised him. I don't think he'd been looking for a girl to make a conquest of...but since I'd made the first move, he was more than happy to oblige. Since it was raining, he took me to one of the nicest taverns in town and fed me before we spent a glorious night together.

When I woke up with no one beside me, I wasn't surprised. Humming cheerfully, I dressed...and found several gold doubloons inside the bodice. That would be able to feed me for several years. And I'd only use them if I absolutely had to.

Captain Jack Sparrow really was a _gentleman _pirate.

**

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CrazyPirateGirl**: She really was a lucky nun, wasn't she? Of the three I have so far...I like this new one the best, though. I actually believe in waiting until marriage, too. Which is why I really don't go into hardly any detail at all. Because that's just icky.  
Of course Jack is a liar...he has a lot of women to seduce. Of course, he didn't like to this one. He was just nice. Go nice Jack! Thanks for the review!  
**Daisy**: Thanks for reviewing anyway. -nod nod- Means a lot to me, really, it does. But I know you did an excellent job last night. Since you were a finalist, an' all. Good job! I'm really proud of you!  
You are not hopeless at fanfics, Daisy. I enjoy your input, really, I do. I'm writing it like this for a reason, though. Because I don't want Jack to say anything to explain himself...I like this better. Besides, if he said things...these would be a lot longer. And this isn't really meant to be a serious story of mine...just some snatches of what the women in his life probably think... Thanks for the review! An' you really should try again...I was horrible the first few times I tried... And I am planning on being an author, remember, so it would make sense that I do a lot of writing...don't be discouraged!  
**Arien Belthil**: It is like magic, isn't it? No...he's just a miserable liar. Hope that this was fast enough! And thanks for the review!  
**Geheimnis **: Thank you! I try to keep him in character, even though he really is never here. Which is weird, if you think about it...but thanks for the review! You might be interested in checking out my other stories...they're more in depth. And One More Day is actually from Jack's perspective...that's why I can mostly keep him in character.  
**Raisin**: Jack is incredibly suave and charming. Sometimes he'll use that and sometimes he won't. Like...well, I'm thinking of him wooing a common harlot in the next chapter. Of course, that'll break my pattern...tricksy Jack is up to something, if you haven't noticed.  
She was a nun, after all, and she wasn't supposed to think of Jack as so suave...though, I would kill to be in her place any day of the week. Wow. Lucky nun.  
She was really quick to come up with a lie...maybe she wasn't really a good nun... -giggles-  
(reply to your reply to my reply)Yes...graveyard. Remember, in All Hallow's Eve, it's a graveyard where our nameless protagonist finds Jack? And then a graveyard she goes to to get back to his time? I would hate to see his headstone anywhere...  
Math is evil. Calculus...well, it's the devil of math, really. Thanks for the long and entertaining review, as always!  
**Jack**: Yep. Another one. With rapscallion. Fun word. Thanks for the review.  
Since you were the first...you get a snazzy puzzle! In the shape of a butterfly. 


	4. Number Four

Disclaimer: I do not have permission to be writing this.

AN (4/6): I was all done with a lovely chapter already on Monday…but the power went out before I saved. I was at school, too, and our Deep Freeze system got rid of the backup. So, therefore, I'm starting over…which is depressing. But what can you do?

**One Night Stands: Number Four**

I'm sure I looked absolutely miserable the day I actually got to meet Captain Jack Sparrow. You know, tales of his piratical adventures over the years used to lull me to sleep. The only person my mother liked talking about more was herself. I think she liked Jack just as much as I do. Unfortunately, she died before she ever had the chance to meet him.

The world just isn't fair sometimes, is it? Oh well. Whether the world is fair or not, I did get to meet the man who'd been the main star in a majority of my dreams. And he'd looked exactly like I'd pictured him. Of course, he was a bit shorter than in my dreams…but it was still remarkable how close my vision of his face matched his face. Maybe my mother had seen him before or something and had planted the correct images in my mind…

Still, it was great fun actually seeing that timeless man in the flesh. Goodness, he was a god among men! I'd never seen anyone with such a perfect nose or such captivating eyes. My heart started fluttering a bit uncomfortably as I saw him start walking with that odd and uncomfortable-looking swagger of his. He seemed a bit put out…almost like he was storming out of the restaurant I had just been about to enter. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts, actually, that he knocked me straight into the cobblestone streets of Nassau. I was nearly run over by a carriage!

It took him a moment to realize what he'd just done and, being the courageous individual he is, he jumped onto the street and helped me up, even though another black carriage was headed towards where we were.

It was almost like magic, the first time he touched me. Of course, he had bumped into me before…but that hadn't had any skin to skin contact. By touching my hand with his…I really felt like we'd shared something. He'd smiled slightly at me, helping me back onto the sidewalks.

I looked quite distressed. Why? Well, actually, I had just found my fiancé Jonathan busy consorting with his scullery maid, when I'd gone to visit his family's large mansion. That was enough to upset anyone, even if I didn't love Jonathan, right? I mean…I thought he'd respected me at least. He'd been eager enough to ask my grandfather for my hand in marriage. Of course, that could be because I was the sole heiress to my father's fortune. He and my mother had been lost in a horrible storm on a business trip. I hadn't wanted to marry Jonathan in the first place…but it was quite an insult to see him jamming his tongue down a _maid_'s throat. I couldn't stand the injustice of it, actually.

Which is why I'd thrown a bit of a temper tantrum and had grabbed a "decorative" musket from above his fireplace. I fired a warning shot into his head. Jonathan, the stupid git, had kept a loaded musket in his home. He got what he deserved. Imagine…treating a woman of my wealth like that?

Anyway, after the scullery maid threatened to go tell the authorities, I bashed her across the head with the musket and put it in her unconscious hands. No one would ever know it was me. Even if it was, I could use my good looks and riches to get off the hook.

Still…I was very distraught after leaving his home. I couldn't stop shaking. I kept thinking that someone would say I was a murderess or something. Ridiculous. You would've done the same thing if you'd seen him with that woman, wouldn't you? I really hadn't noticed Jack much before I'd been knocked in the street. Not very surprising…but he did apologize profusely and offered to buy me a new dress.

How sweet of him! I'd smiled politely back and had said I didn't want a new dress. Then he'd offered to cheer me up by taking me to a tavern. Now, what woman could resist his charm? Of course I wanted to go and get drunk with him! Not only would I forget the blood that had splattered behind Jonathan (I'd taunted him first and ended up shooting almost directly next to his skin) and how the scullery maid had screamed, but I would be able to get to know the man my mother had told me about all the time as a child.

Life was perfect. Of course, I acted coy and he had to work to persuade me. Eventually he led me to the tavern. We got three sheets to the wind, his voice seemed just as slurry as ever…and sometime during the evening he rented a room for the night.

I'll never forget that night as long as I live. It didn't even bother me when I woke up and he wasn't next to me. Why? Well…he gave me a chance to forget what I'd probably end up hanging for. I hadn't thought about Jonathan since Jack accidentally pushed me into the street, too. It's always easier to pretend that you have no idea what someone is talking about during questioning, after all, when all you can think about are Captain Sparrow's magic hands and kisses.

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Attention all loyal reviewers: I will put up replies to your reviews after I get home from school…**


	5. Number Five

Disclaimer: I don't have permission to be writing this.

AN(4/21): Well, I've finished my Excel assignment with about fifteen minutes to spare. Lucky you, I'm gonna write a bit. This will be finished tomorrow in technology, though.  
Just so you know, I didn't die. And I won't be updating very often because the AP tests are in two weeks. And I have an internship next week. But, after that, I'll be able to update a lot. As long as I don't have writer's block.  
(4/25): My internship is this week. AP crunch is this week. I'm dying. Had an emotional breakdown yesterday. But here's this one.

**One Night Stands: Number Five**

The sun was shining brilliantly the afternoon I saw Captain Jack Sparrow, that most infamous pirate, coming out of the candy shop. He was drop dead gorgeous, even though he did dress eccentrically. How could a girl like me resist him? Even though I was young enough to be his daughter (presumably based on the fact he'd been in the Caribbean for at least thirteen years he couldn't be twenty-five, like he looked), I couldn't resist those dark expressive eyes emphasized by kohl. The trinkets seemed to suit his personality. Jack clearly was a weird man. But he was a talented weird man that happened to know how to pleasure any kind of woman.

I don't think he saw me at first. Of course, that could be because the sun was in those eyes of his for a moment and he was slightly disoriented. And I wasn't all that tall. And I didn't stand out very much. I was just your average rich girl. My mother and father dressed me up like some sort of doll. I was their toy to show off to their rich friends when the occasion seemed right. I didn't like that. But it was nice, not having to worry about the future like Martha.

Martha was my maid, brought here by my mother when we moved to the Caribbean from England before I was born. My mother hadn't wanted her children to get corrupted by the natives. I thought that was poppycock, but at least we didn't own any slaves. Father didn't really like that practice and his job as the town Magistrate made it so he didn't have to have slaves.

Martha had been about four years old the year I was born. She was my confidant, even though some of the Harleton girls thought I shouldn't be associating with someone below my station who was Irish. I didn't care, frankly. Martha was my friend and I could talk to her about anything. Who cared if I was a little rebellious? I always performed like an admirable china doll whenever Father brought home potential suitors with large pouches hanging over their trousers.

It was disgusting, some of the rich man Father wanted me to marry. I was always very coy, though, because I knew I had a role to play. Mother hadn't had any children survive past the age of ten after me and my brother was off in England trying to find a wife…so, I had to represent the family. Such a hard task for a sixteen year old! I didn't like being that responsible. Anything I did in public was scrutinized, since Father had a cousin in England with a title of nobility who hadn't yet had any children and had no other kin. I didn't want a title of nobility…I wanted to spend my time with pirates.

When I was growing up, Martha and I used to play pirates all the time. Of course, she was generally the captain until Mother insisted I be more ladylike…then I took control and made her swab the decks. I didn't want to be a normal lady. That was boring. I'd had too much freedom as a child and I didn't want to give any of it up. Maybe that's why the story of Captain Jack Sparrow sacking Nassau without firing a shot was so interesting to me. It had happened when I was about five, I think. I remember that no one would talk of anything else…he was surely a genius!

Anyway, once he blinked a few times and adjusted to the sunlight, he caught sight of me. I must've looked frightfully beautiful, because I saw him glance at me at least five times. Mother had always said I was beautiful. I didn't believe her. But if it was going to get me noticed by Jack Sparrow…well, maybe I was beautiful.

As he was gawking at me, I smiled at him. He smirked back. That lopsided grin on his…wow. I've never seen anything like it and I doubt I'll ever see anything like it again. He must've spent years perfecting that. It was the sort of smile that could make any woman's heart jump. Mine seemed to jump right into my throat and it just wouldn't stop beating uncomfortably.

He probably would've just went on his merry way, if the "worst" hadn't happened. While I was trying not to drool over his smirk, he approached me and asked me what I thought were the best candies inside the store. I told him that chocolate was rather good, and he'd seemed rather pleased in his purchase, presumably. He thanked me and was just about to walk away when someone bumped against me. At the time, I had no idea what that had to do with anything, but apparently he'd noticed that someone had pick pocketed me, being an expert pick pocket himself. He'd told me to hold his bag of chocolates, which I did without a fuss, and he ran after the individual who'd stolen what little allowance Father let me have. I, of course, had been planning to spend it on some sort of candy. But it was my birthday, I felt as though I could make my own decisions. Soon I would have to be married and then my life would change forever…but now I could have a small taste of independence.

I watched him chase the waif down, feeling quite sorry for the hungry looking lad. It wasn't his fault he stole, surely! Yet…Jack seemed to think that I deserved to keep my money. As I disregarded his order for me to stay there and came nearer, I saw the little boy give Jack my money back after he-well, this is going to sound a bit silly-handed something to the little boy in return. I'm fairly sure it was a gold doubloon…but what did I know? After retrieving my money from the unfortunate wretch, he stood up and walked back to me with the most curious of swaggers, like any good knight would do after defending the honor of a lady.

I'd thanked him profusely and he'd told me I should probably keep that in a more personal place, so I'd notice when someone was trying to pick pocket me. Smiling, I'd done exactly what he'd probably been wanting me to do; I stuffed it down the bodice of my dress. He'd chuckled at me and turned to leave before I grabbed his arm and insisted he come to my house and have a cup of tea with me. Since my parents were out (which was the only reason I was out and about), I was reasonably sure we wouldn't be disturbed. He'd acquiesced to my request, since I threatened to steal his chocolate if he didn't come and then we went to my family's large manor, at the top of the hill.

Once inside, I'd taken him to the drawing room and went to go fetch Martha, to draw us some tea. Upon finding her, we giggled like school girls for a moment in the kitchen, sneaking peeks at Captain Sparrow as he sat in the drawing room, looking both disconcerted and completely at ease, all at the same time. Perhaps he realized we were watching. I'm not really sure, even now. But I was willing to share anything with Martha. She'd grown up with the same stories as I had, after all, and she thought he was absolutely handsome.

So, I invited her to tea too. Jack had seemed weirdly surprised to see Martha enter the room with me, since I was the one carrying the tray. Generally, gentry do not carry anything, and here I was, ready to serve my servant. It must've touched him as rather sweet, because we had quite an interesting conversation with that most infamous pirate.

After the tea was gone…well, we continued talking. I don't exactly know why, but about half an hour after the tea remnants had dried and solidified on the china cups, he kissed me. And then Martha. And me again. You know, I didn't mind sharing anything with Martha, and I doubt I ever will now. We were both infatuated.

And I was infuriated, when I woke up later that afternoon to the dogs barking, heralding the return of my parents, when I noticed Jack wasn't beside either of us. That…pirate! Of course, how could I stay angry for long? Those dreamy brown eyes…

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**sunkist3208:** It is a lovely idea, isn't it? Of course, the last chapter will be...very funny, I'm thinking. Jack will get what...umm. Wait. I can't tell you. -zips lips-  
Thanks for the review, Whitney! Fanfiction can be a bum sometimes. And thanks for the good smelling candle. Erica likes those.  
**Arien Belthil:** Well, she was rather crazy. And he had been messing around with a common woman, after all. I think more power to her...  
Not really, no. But it was cool, thatshe could be so calm after killing someone, right? At least she's not too much of a psychopath...  
(reply to Number Three) Well, she doesn't want to waste the doubloons. She might as well hold on t' 'em until times are rough if she can handle living on the streets. Number Three was just...very self sufficient.  
**CrazyPirateGirl:** If you think #4 was crazy, just wait...  
Thanks for the t-shirt! I likes me t-shirts. Especially when they have Jack on 'em.  
And that's exactly why the women in these stories have no name. Except for Martha. She has a name. And the last one, she'll have a name too.  
(reply to Number Three) I'd like to think I'd be happy if he left me too...but I dunno what I'd think. I'd be sad that he was gone, probably. I mean, spending a night with Jack would be all fun and such...but what if you never got to see him again? Depressing thought. The worst one will be...very interesting. She's a certifiable nutcase. And it'll be a blast to write. But probably hard to read, since her mind will wander even more than Jack's does.  
**Jack:** Tis always more fun to think of something else in school, isn't it? I know I enjoy that. Good dat. Anyway, thanks for the review!  
(reply to Number Three) Woot! The third disk...I actually got that for my birthday. But two is just as good as one!  
**Johnny'shumiliatedgrape: **School an' I don't really get along at the moment. But I wanna wish you well, with your testing next week. -nods- Because I know I won't be able to update again until after the AP tests. But look at it this way...after those blasted things, I'll have a ton more free time at school and at home an' I'll be updating regularly again. And I might write this cool story kinda like "Rosencratz and Guildenstern are Dead" with Murtogg and Mulroy.  
Ummm...don't take my word on that, though. First I've gotta survive the AP tests. And my internship. But it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. So that's all good.  
I would definitely say that Number 4 was a bit...on the loony side. You should've seen me yesterday, though. I didn't kill anyone, but I had a breakdown in church. Not that you needed to know that...And 4 isn't the looniest one you'll see, either.  
I'm amused that you told your mom. I was embarrassed enough to read these to my friends... But read them I did. And they enjoyed them. Especially Number Four. There's something about reading out loud that makes it different, though. But I'm glad she liked the idea. And thank you thank you thank you for such entertaining reviews! They seriously lift up my crappy days. Make 'em less gray.  
And...well, Number Four will probably be caught. Maybe she was telling her story to one of the guards. Never know...  
And Johnny is shorter in person. I'm taller than he is. Depressing, isn't it?  
(reply toNumber Three) Well, I don't know what Jack would do if a woman saidno, frankly. Actually...yes I do. He'd do what he did with Elizabeth...he'd leave her alone. Jack isn't a rapist. He's just a DonJuan DeMarco.  
And it isn't very often you canbelieve what you read. Rest assured, I do a lot of research.Like for my snazzy next chapter of A Taste of Misery: ADecade of Torment, I've done a lot of research. For half of it. But it does explain something... And I have a great idea to explain something else. But it'll have to wait until after theAP tests an' my internship.  
Thank you so much! -snuggles-  
**Daisy:** Dunno which college to tell you to enroll in, Daisy. Unfortunately, I'm not an expert at everything. You should go to the one that seems to care the most about its students, has the best pre-vet program, and the campus feels like home.  
Thanks for the review. An' I love Chicago. Had to throw it in sometime. -nod-  
I really do appreciate you leaving a review, even if you think its pointless...I'm really quite insecure. Shocking, but true.  
(reply to Number Three) That is a rather odd statistic, the major of people going into vet programs being English, generally. I think it'd be really cool if you were a singing vet to killer whales! I'd come and visit you. -nods- To see you at work. 'Cause that'd be wicked awesome.  
All the way when you're a senior in college? Why so long? Though I understand how hard it is to write without inspiration, I don't think you should set it aside so easily...  
**The lady of the shadows :**Sorry it took me so long...but thank you for the encouragement and the reviews!  
Missy Mouse : There always could be pirates behind your bookstore...have you checked recently? I liked #3...she was sweet. And didn't kill anyone. Or share Jack. Both situations I find rather disturbing...but thanks for the review:


	6. Number Six

Disclaimer: I do not have permission to be writing this.

AN (4/28): It seems that the closer I get to the AP tests, the less I want to work. To make complicated matters even worse, I keep having insane dreams where Jack is in a cage in the middle of a kitchen. Maybe that's why these women keep getting more and more insane as I do…

Of course, this one isn't really very insane. But my favorite is coming up next, I think. Maybe the one after the next one…I can't remember. I need to find that list.

**One Night Stands: Number Six**

Men are mine for the taking. I can get the pants off of any bloke I set my mind to get the pants off of. Generally, I go for the attractive ones that seem to have a lot of money. Of course, desperate times call for desperate measures, and sometimes I have to resort to soliciting the attentions of the blubbering drunkards that inhabit my abode.

I live at the _Mulligan's Meade_, a small tavern owned by a Mr. P. Mulligan. I never have bothered to learn what the P truly stands for, because the first night he took me off my corner on the street, he told me to call him "boss". Who was I to say no? He's been boss ever since. Never the formal sort of boss, either. He only points out the ones that will probably be able to handle a lot of alcohol and myself before going back to his business of bartending. Boss really doesn't care about any of his customers. They're all just ways he can earn money to feed his brat at home. He's a fair man, I guess, because there's a few rooms upstairs that can be used for the business of entertaining customers. I'm not nearly pretty enough to work at one of them brothels where there's a Madame and all the women wear silk petticoats. I'm stuck in the most disgusting tavern in this bloody port. But it does pay the bills, as it were, and I am able to meet a lot of interesting people.

There aren't many men that make a big impression on me, actually. Generally I'm quite good at forgetting even the ones with pretty faces. They are inevitably the same person, in bed. It's the exact same thing. I give them a release from all the horrible "manly" stress they go through and occasionally have to make sure that I'm not put out of commission. Some men are really selfish, spreading their seed. Of course…a few men I wouldn't mind having babies with (merely because it generally takes more than one time) have stepped into my home. They're the ones that all of us "ladies" go after, when we see them. I remember the day that the most infamous pirate in the Caribbean stepped into our little tavern.

He'd looked absolutely distraught and depressed and discouraged. The thing was, I wanted to cheer him up. Which is weird. I try not to feel any sort of feelings towards the men I associate with. No point in that, really, because I'll generally never see the same man ever again, unless I'm one of his favorites. A lot of men must think I'm too…energetic in bed, though, because I usually don't get repeat customers. Anyway, I watched him order a few bottles of rum and sit down at a table, smiling very briefly at the barmaid as she dropped off that precious amber. It was one of my few nights off…but I found myself walking over to the table where he sat and offering to share a rum with him.

Misery loves company, they say, so Captain Sparrow was more than happy to invite me to sit with him. He was incredibly quiet as he drank all of his rum that night. It almost seemed to me that he was interested in hearing my actual opinions.

You see, the reason that men and women are so different is that women's opinions are supposed to be absolutely ridiculous. Maybe Sparrow had decided a long time ago to be off-key. Or maybe he really didn't like women at all and just slept with us to appear normal. I don't know. It was rather alarming, at first, as he asked questions that prompted almost intelligent responses from me, and then it got easier. Some men like to talk first. He wanted to listen. No worries. It made my job that much easier.

I did like talking about myself, after all. No one really cares about strumpets. Not even other strumpets. We all are jealous of each other and refuse to get close to anyone, because what's the point? We are used each night by men. Men who respect women. Men who abuse women. Men who have wives, men who are single. Men who are hairy pigs and men who are perfect gentlemen. We are used by them all. And here…here this Sparrow was, treating me like I was a lady! It was…aggravating and refreshing all at the same time.

After he finished all of his rum up (the man couldn't have really been drinking it. Most people would've slumped over, dead, by now), he'd smiled mischievously at me. Of course I knew what he had in mind…all men want that after a few drinks, after all. That's why boss has me wear a dress that shows off my assets. I was rather tired, actually, because of all the talking. Generally I don't say more than five words to a man before he decides to take me upstairs…and here I'd been talking! It was absurd.

But really quite easy. Sparrow's eyes…his beard. His hair. It all seemed to go together and I felt quite lucky to have seen him, let alone talk to him. That voice of his, when he did talk, was enough to make my hard heart start to flutter like some adolescent girl catching sight of that baker down the street or the livery boy…

He suggested that we go upstairs and I was more than happy to oblige. It was my job, after all, and he was a man that needed to be comforted because of something traumatic that had just happened to him. The main reason I could live with myself for selling my body (it had been hard, the first few years) was that I could cheer men up like nothing else for at least a night.

He was a skilled lover. There aren't many men I can say that about. He knew how to pleasure me without asking a single thing, though he was incredibly drunk. If I hadn't been the strumpet in the situation, I probably would've paid him everything I had with me at the time. If only I could have a repeat performance…

Of course, skilled lovers such as himself are quite good at slipping out of bed in the morning without being noticed. When I woke up, he was gone. He did leave me more than my normal fee, though. I just hope Sparrow had as much fun as I did because I know I'm never going to meet another man quite like him.

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**AttackingHentaiChibisLoveFluff:** Always fun to type with wet nails –sarcasm-. I'm glad you like them so much, and thanks for the review!  
**Arien Belthil:** No, she wasn't flipping insane like Number Four. But the next one, probably, will make Number Four look quite normal.  
**Mystic Moon Maiden:** Jack is very much a charmer. Of any and all women. It's going to be a problem for him, eventually…but thank you for the review!  
**Daisy:** I'm sick of school too, Daisy. Absolutely positively sick of it. But…what can you do? I wish you luck in choosing your college, because that's always really hard.  
Thanks for the advice and the review!  
**Raisin:** I wish you luck on your tests, really, I do! I can totally empathize. Dunno why I'm putting this up, frankly, because I should've been working today in technology. But I didn't.  
No, they don't mind sharing. Which I find is rather sweet. I'd leave a longer reply, but I've got two minutes…  
**CrazyPirateGirl:**I know I envied those two girls. That's my dream right there. Of course, I'd rather not share him…but thanks for the review!  
**Jack:** Maybe it was because they were so selfless. You get a copy of my resume, for being the first to review. Thanks.


	7. Number Seven

Disclaimer: I don't have permission to be writing this.

AN (4/30): Well, I've decided to stay up until later today. Or something. But I'm going to write this. So...yeah. This is the crazy one. Probably a good thing I'm doing her so late at night. Tis now 3:30 AM. And I'm uploading. Woo!

**One Night Stands: Number Seven**

One word for Jack Sparrow: perfect. I've never seen a more perfect man in my life. I'm sure I'll never see anyone as perfect again. Can you really blame me for going after perfection? I'd been taught in church, as a young girl, that perfection was something to seek after. Because when you were perfect, the angels would give you wings or maybe the mansions would be yours or perhaps the Destroying Angel would smite your friends. I forget. But that doesn't matter, does it? Because I did what I set out to do and I feel absolutely no regrets.

It was remarkably easy, figuring out where to set my trap. I watched him time and time again, I followed him around. I had to keep seeing his perfect face and excellent physique. Something about that walk of his made me tingle inside my very body. I felt as though I knew Captain Jack Sparrow before I happened to overhear one of the women discussing his name, the day after their experience. I'd seen him vacillate between any and every woman. If he would bed any woman at any time, why couldn't he bed me? All I wanted was to spend that sort of time with him.

Which is why, the morning after he spent that night with that stupid strumpet, he walked straight into my trap. Through all of my observations, he really seemed to have a fetish for women who were in the need of being saved. So, I'd devised a plan that was sure to get his attention. A fiendish plan, some might say, but a plan, nonetheless.

It was brilliant, really, and it only took a little effort on my part. All I had to do was cut myself with a few shards of rum bottles I found outside the tavern. From the fight, you see, that had taken place the night before the night before last, when he'd been visiting that other woman at her house. Of course, he hadn't stayed the night, I don't think. He was up to something. Which is why I had to act. Sticking the shards in my apron, I then went through the rather pleasingly painful task of bruising myself on the brick wall of the court house. I don't think anyone payed any attention to me whatsoever, so I was content to hit myself repeatedly. Sad to say, I know, but I did look like a complete mess when I'd finished.

It was just before dawn, actually, and I'd scurried to the road leading to her house. He'd been going there progressively earlier and earlier... But my planning had been wrong. He didn't walk up that path until it was nearly sunset. Maybe he'd had a row with her. I don't know for sure. But I did play my part expertly.

As soon as I saw him swaggering down the road towards the house, I slit myself with the blade a few times. It hurt. A lot. But it was all for Jack, so it was quite all right. Once I was finished, I allowed myself to sob a bit. The sobs deepened the nearer he got to me. Inevitably, he reached me as I sat on the side of the road, concern clearly visible in those eyes of his. He asked me what was wrong, I made up some response about my husband beating me and throwing me out of the house. His sympathy was mine from that point. I could tell that Jack liked to respect women, for some strange reason. Maybe it was just the way he'd treated every single one night stand I'd seen him with...

Regardless, he'd offered to take me to a tavern or something, to clean up. I told him that my mother was out of town, and asked if he could take me to her home. He'd agreed and helped me up, nearly cooing sympathetic words to stop my 'hysteria'. I kept it up, of course, until he put his arm around my shoulders, making sure not to bump any of my cuts. Such a gentlemanly pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow was. I can't believe it took me so long to find him.

After we'd reached my own little cottage halfway between the more populated town and the farms, I flopped down on one of my sofas and sobbed for a bit. He offered consoling words, moved on to flattery, and finally just decided to cook something. When it was all finished-his cooking was superb-and cleaned up, he then started kissing me. It was only then that I stopped sobbing. Not only was it impossible for me to sob as my dreams were being fulfillled...but I could tell it was getting on his nerves. He was only kissing me to cheer me up, I believe.

But two can play at that game, can't they? I knew of his heartache. And so...when he finished kissing me, I kissed him back. And knocked him flat on his back on the sofa. And then...well, you know, there's nothing like having a lifelong dream fulfilled, even if you are a bit rough with the man to show who is truly in power, there.

I woke up several times during the night and just stared at the exhausted man. I don't think he was used to my sort of...exuberance. The cuts on his hand and neck and...well, pretty much everywhere...seemed to tell me that I'd worn him out. I thought that was impossible, really, to wear a man like Jack out...but he'd been ever since he'd passed out. Oh well. If I could keep awake while he was asleep, I could keep him in my home forever and ever.

Unfortunately, as time marched on, my eyes seemed to be filling with sand. I couldn't keep them open, frankly. In fact, I hadn't even noticed that I'd fallen asleep until I woke up to the sound of someone moving about. My eyes widened as I realized it was...him. And he had hit the squeaky floorboard near my door! Jumping up at once, I hurled myself at him like a ferocious tiger.

How dare he try to leave me? Of course, he was an expert on hand to hand combat. I really had no chance at all. He knocked me out...and when I woke up again, I was all alone on the floor in my home. Just like always. But...I had Captain Jack Sparrow, because I'd wanted him. While many women can claim that, I'm the only one who can claim I actually set up a way to meet him.

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AttackingHentaiChibisLoveFluff**: I was trying to have a breath of sanity before this one. Not that she's really 'too' insane, eh? Thanks for bothering to leave something, though.  
**The lady of the shadows: **Exams bite pickles. I hope you did a good job, though. And I'm grateful that you left such an encouraging review.  
**Raisin**: Yep. He's all distraught. And we'll find out why, in my next and final one shot for this. I'm hoping it will be funny...poetic justice or something. And I haven't taken my tests yet. They're next week. But thanks for the good luck, in past tense.  
But...no. This isn't after Jack lost the Pearl. You'll see why in the next chapter. He's a goober. We'll just say that.  
The shorter reply was just dandy...I didn't give you much to go on, really. Thanks for leaving me a review, though!  
**CrazyPirateGirl **: I'd say this one makes Number 4 look tame. Because she's a stalker and she also injures herself...and attacked Jack. Yep. Insane. And Number 6 was just...because of this crazy one. Plus, he needed to go to the tavern so you'd see he was feeling crummy, even though he was spending so much time with other women. Thanks so much for the review!  
**Arien Belthil**: Well, here she is. I didn't plan on updating so soon...but sometimes you just get bitten by the writing bug, or something. Dunno. But you didn't have to wait too long for the crazy one, right? That's all that matters. Thanks for the review!**Mystic Moon Maiden**: I liked the last one, too. She was...I dunno. Probably my most realistic young thing that Jack wooed. Or whatever. But thank you for your intelligent review an' for reading these crazy little one shots. Crazy. Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling, but I just hit a wall...figuratively speaking, of course. Since you were the first to review, you get a snazzy balloon sword! 


	8. Number Eight

Disclaimer: I don't have permission to use Jack. Wish I did...but I don't.

AN (5/20): Sorry it took me so long to type this up... Tell me if you think this is poetic justice or an example of irony. And if you think its a good end to all of these one shots. And what a jerk he was, if you think that. Heck, just review.

**One Night Stands: Number Eight**

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Of course, _everyone_ has made a lot of mistakes; it is part of what makes us "better" than the Animal Kingdom, right? I can't say that I'm the only one that makes mistakes. The ways humans compensate for mistakes has always fascinated me, on top of it. There are the simpering fools that hide in their homes, avoiding social condemnation, until people forget about their mistakes. That's how they "rectify" them. I find that to be completely ridiculous, putting things off until they disappear into the annuls of time. They never actually disappear, do they? I've been a fool and have done that a few times, yes, but I generally now try to face up to my mistakes. Courage is what makes a man a man, after all, and courage is gained by bucking up to mistakes and facing all of that condemnation...

I really didn't feel like acting as a man as I slowly walked towards that cheerful little cottage that was full of so many bitter and sweet memories. I'd told her that I would see her again yesterday. That didn't happen. After having one or two drinks (maybe it was five or six) in the local tavern, I'd finally gotten enough courage to face that little angel again after she kicked me out of her cottage in a rage the other day. I'd slept that off for a bit (she didn't like it when I had anything to drink) and had worked up the courage again, mostly sober. So, I went to her cottage that evening. Then that horrible Jezebel had seduced me, abused me, and overall been a real witch to me until I'd escaped sometime early that morning. I don't really know how I got away from that woman (because she had injured me quite badly) but I did get away.

_After_ I was supposed to meet the fair maiden in her cottage, sadly. It took me a few more drinks to muster up enough courage to face her after standing her up. But the _Pearl_ was set to leave next week and I hated having loose ends, so to speak. I also wanted to apologize for hurting her feelings so badly. I'm not even sure why she threw me out in the first place, but I've learned not to question the acts of women. It only leads to sleeping somewhere uncomfortable. I did have a sneaking suspicion it was something to do with the fact that I tried moving too fast earlier and she had sensed I was trying to make a "conquest" out of her, in a moment of weakness. I didn't really want this to be a one night stand (unless, of course, she was lacking in a particular area) because something was happening to me. It was weird, disturbing, and disgusting. Whenever I saw her, I showed the common symptoms of falling in love.

Falling in love... it was deplorable and enchanting, enlightening and overwhelming, enjoyable and depressing, and just all around the most glorious-miserable thing I'd ever done in my life. I had quite a reputation with women... how could I be so weak as to fall in love with just one? Yet... I had. And I wanted to yell it to her across the road as I neared her home. Maybe I could win her. A lot of captains and pirates had a wife at some port, constantly waiting for their return. Couldn't I?

I reached her door and knocked three times, in a particular pattern. She slowly opened it and regarded me for a moment as I explained how someone had robbed me yesterday, which was why I was bruised and had ugly welts and cuts all over. It was then that her sympathy kicked in and she invited me inside her suddenly very cheerful little house.

She was wearing the mauve dress I'd bought for her and almost looked like she'd been crying, in the fading light. Maybe she had been worried about me, maybe she'd been reading that book of poetry I'd given her. It didn't matter. It gave me a lot of courage to know she was probably worried about me. She looked like an absolute goddess. The ruby necklace I'd stolen for her was gleaming in the fading light and the candy I'd bought her was on an end table near a red sofa, open. The sweets had been an apology for a rather lack-luster night at a tavern. I don't really know why I thought it was a good idea to take her to eat in a tavern, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Another one of my countless mistakes.

She quickly tended to a few of my wounds before asking me if I wanted to stay for supper. No matter that it was quite late... I'd managed to get in! I was on top of the world. My charm still worked, didn't it? Anyway, I'd agreed and then cooked her a meal. If she was going to be my wife that stayed in a port, it didn't matter if I fixed her a meal because I'd only have to do it infrequently.

After sharing a romantic dinner with candlelight, we'd gone into the front room and sat down on the sofa. We talked for a long time. About nothing, really, but it meant a lot to me. Not many people enjoy listening to the truth about me, but she did. And then I'd kissed her, she kissed me back, and I knew that we could go that extra step.

It didn't hit me until I woke up that she'd seemed rather quiet, during all of that talking. And she'd also looked almost like she'd been slapped... but that didn't make any sense. Until I realized that I was alone in her bed. I'd blown it with the woman I thought I loved. She'd used me for who-knows-why and then left. After I got dressed, I realized she was gone for good. She'd taken all of her stuff away. Maybe she'd slept with me to spite me... I don't know. But I'd become the one night stand, eh? Irony. I hate that word.

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Jack**: Well, I hope the last one was a bit on the scary side… She was insane. But that's okay. She got what she wanted and is probably happy. Thanks for the review an' I'm glad you got your computer back.  
**Raven-Rain**: Elizabeth is the crazy one. I wouldn't be able to resist those dark eyes of his, frankly. They'd be the thing to get me. Maybe Elizabeth is just…umm… too obsessed with Will. Yeah. Or something. Glad you enjoy these one shots so much and I hope you like the ending. Thanks for the review!  
**AttackingHentaiChibisLoveFluff**: Insanity is a way of life, I agree. I'm insane too. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing these sort of insane characters. But I liked your insanity rant and I think that Martini is a good name for a kitty. Thanks for the review!  
**Raisin**: Well, I hope you can see why Jack is being a goober. Imagine, being in love with a woman and yet spending time with other women… Silly. He's a git. But that's okay, he's still hot.  
Thanks for the review as always, m'dear. I enjoyed reading it.  
**Daisy**: She did have serious issues, didn't she? That's the lump sum of all of our obsessions with Jack, right there, embodied in dear Number Seven. Thank you for the review. You get a bouquet of flowers, 'cause its Friday.  
**Exile**: Well…I'm glad you like it.:) I hope you enjoyed the rest of the chapters, too. These have been rather fun to write, actually. And thanks for the review. I like knowing when people enjoy reading my work.  
**CrazyPirateGirl**: I updated fast last time because I knew it would be a long wait until this one got up. Just kidding…sometimes I'm more inspired than others. I was rather proud of #7's craziness, frankly. Makes me wonder how insane I really am, if I can write like her. But she did do what she thought was necessary. And now this story is over…  
**Arien Belthil**: Apparently she is one of those people who will self-mutilate themselves to get some, as the slang goes. Don't worry, she didn't do any lasting damage to Jack. And I don't plan on ever having anyone _that_ insane in my stories again. No promises, though. Thanks for the review!  
**The lady of the shadows**: Good luck on your exam scores! I hope you get the highest score! And thank you for the review! And I like using exclamation points today! At least, in your response! Anyway, thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked the insane one!  
**Mystic Moon Maiden**: Well, I'm glad that you liked the insane one, even though she was, well, insane. And she was lonely. Good job on picking that up. Glad you like all my differing characters…I channel them or something. If that's even the word I want. But thanks! Since you were the first one, you get some Tootsie Rolls! Woo! 


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